Lump of sugar.

I don't feel right. Life right now feels off. Maybe it's because I called into work at then woke up at 1. That could be it. I don't do that anymore. That's not me. Maybe it's the fact that I was so out of it last night. My trains of thoughts were more like a train wreck. Piles and piles of rubble and self destructing thoughts.

I fell asleep feeling off, just like I do now. My room didn't feel right. Too big, too dark, too.. something. I felt like a there was a spotlight on me playing up exactly how out of place I felt. Every creek sounding like someone behind me. Normal household sounds warped into warning calls telling me that someone was coming. I couldn't tell you exactly when I fell asleep but it wouldn't have mattered because those feelings continued on. Daydreaming into nightmares that I couldn't be scared over. I don't think that could make sense to anyone but me. A nightmare without any fear. But it's true, I think I lost that sense of fear. My dreams filled with images of a movie set which is ironic alone because my first thought in this house is that it feels like it should be in a movie. The actors pan out, play their roles and then everything becomes a mess. Someone on set isn't right. A murderer, a killer, a stalker... A day in the set becomes a day of hell when pictures of the girl sleeping appear. A little too out of place, a little too close for comfort. He has been stalking her, watching her every move and waiting for the moment. The angles are discouraging. Something feels a little too real but I can't be afraid. I remember before bed laughing to myself thinking this is my life. Haha, this is my life.

I'm sure I'm right about you. I've got it all figured out. I was right, but then again I don't know why that surprises me. I am always right. I guess I was just holding out. Reaching for that small glimmer of hope. I miss how it was. How it used to be. Things were different then, better by far and innocent. That innocence is lost. It's been gone for a while now. Everythings been gone for a while now. Except I am still left standing here, naive, holding on. Holding out. Waiting for the day that everything will magically become the way it was. But like I've stated. It's gone. Long gone and I look stupid waiting for something that will never happen. It could have been something, something... I don't know. It just could have been SOMETHING. But I don't cross your mind until the alcohol sets in or the loneliness sets it. It's not the same. It's not the same.