Coffee shop blues.

So I'm allergic to something around me. I don't know what it is but I know that I'm allergic. My head feels like it's about a hundred pounds and I can hardly breathe. Which is weird saying I never have allergic reactions to anything. But yet here I am, being super trendy sitting in Starbucks and I can't stop sneezing. I should just go home but I'm addicted to the stability of the Internet and the feeling of being out and about in the city. I should go home. But I can't. I came here with all the good intentions I could muster up. I was set on figuring out where I'm going but now that I'm here and have exhausted my resources I'm not sure where this path leads. I feel like I haven't gotten any further then I was when I first sat down. It's a shame. I think I'm afriad of taking the next step so I'd rather feel lost and hopeless. The way I look gets in the way of what I want. Or at least I let it. If I only looked like everyone else then I could get to where I want to be. At least in my mind the seems to be true. I just can't allow myself to get dressed in the morning and blend into everyone else. A blend of pattern, how ironic. I'm just forcing myself too much, obviously I'm not ready for where I need to be. It's just one step at a time, work at one thing that makes me happy and then move onto the next. I don't know where I'm going with that.