Life in moderation

Just as I expected sleep brought me a bit back to reality. I was acting so irrational but I felt so alive. That's kind of a weird concept to grasp but I just felt so alive and as if I can been asleep for so long and finally awoken. It sounds so cheesy and as if I had just lost my mind completely but just I've noticed so much lately. I essentially lived the past year of my life on cruise control. Never really too in touch with my surroundings or how I felt. Never letting myself get caught up in the moment and overly consumed in what everyone else was doing. So much that I let myself get tangled into the web of misery and drama that was so easily every one's lives. I don't know how I could possibly go back to the way I lived and feel remotely okay with it. The thought of it just frightens me. I could never go back to the way I was living. It took away my soul and who I was. I lost all my dreams and desires and it's not till now that I'm fully aware of just how much I've thrown away and how much of my desires I cast aside to live the Red Deer dream.