Chapter 1

I have so much emotion and desires running through my veins. I have tasted life and I want more. There is no possibility in my mind of being satisfied with anything else. It's a dangerous position to be in with the events that tend to lay out before me. Life has a way of throwing me curveballs and keeping me on edge. On my toes. Uncertain of the next fall or the next great excitement. It seems as though if I truly want something, I mean become all consumed in feeling the absolute need to have something or get somewhere, that life lets me down. A fault will come up and allow my desires to slip away. I dreamt last night about being forced to go back to Red Deer. It was so vivid and I could feel my heart breaking as I had no other way of surviving and making it last here. I was literally drug out of the city by an unknown person and brought back to my life of mediocrity and glum. I run over and over the what-if's and the possible outcomes for every action. What if I can't get a job? What if I can't afford to have a place by the begining of next month? What if Dave gets sick of my company or if I overstay my welcome? What then? What if I have no other choice but to go back?