Explosions of the brain.

Oh my, please let this not be another one of those. Another one where I convince myself so much that is what I want but in reality it isn't a all. Am I that needy to be with someone, to connect with someone that I just force myself to believe blatant lies? Just completely avoiding the fact that these people, them and I have no real desire to be with them. That it's merely a misconception in my mind drawing me into people. What is it this time? What is it that forced it upon them? It's almost like when I meet someone in a room I automatically have to find someone that would be suitable to date or the slightest bit attractive. It just so happens that these people from then on have this magnet able quality before me that they find themselves overwhelmed in my presence and addicted to me. Unless that's the way it happens. Unless most people are not sure if that's why two people are destined to meet. At either case I think I'm just convinced. One more to add to the never ending list. Is it that it appears to be this faulty character about him? That whoever he claims to be is just an act by a very capable actor? Something about him seems off. Just a little out of key, out of place. Too obviously an act as in order to be one. This whole fisaud about him is completely unreal. Is that what that is? It seems to always come down to this. Is my whole history just filled with one after another of unsuspecting victim? When it comes down to that was I ever really attracted to any of them? Did they even have any real apeal to me rather then some burning subcontious desire. Oh my, I can't even really stop to believe this. I really hope that is not the case. What am I doing? I barely even know these people. Maybe I should go?