Zombie Green

I have a hard time settling down. I don't think I'll ever be part of the white picket fence dwelling suburban family. I won't be the mini-van soccer mom or the crazy sport fanatic super mom. In reality I doubt I'll ever end up being a mom at all or find a city, town or any place of land that I could take residence in for a long period of time. And that whole being married and living happily ever after bit seems like somewhat of a fairy tale when the thought of sticking with one person or one place for over a year seems like a drag. How can one be expected to find the 'love of their lives' when constantly up and moving from place to place? From one journey to the next? I was told by a close friend of mine to 'consider him when I settle down and get on my feet'. Trying to decifer what that means I've came to the conclusion that what he wants is just not me. I'm not the settling type. I don't stick to one place. I move constantly. I'm in a constant state of being half packed and mentally I'm not 100% anywhere. My mind is on the the search of where to go next. Half living in the present and half in the future. Take a look at my life at the moment. In the past 6 months I've moved from my mom's house to Dave's, then from Dave's to Matt's, then from Matt's to my ghetto house, then from there to Jenny's. But that's not it. Come January it will start all over again, in the next 6 months I'll move from Calgary to Red Deer, from Red Deer to Rimiouski, from Rimiouski to Assiboinia and then back to Red Deer. And then from there on my possibilities are endless.

I'm always thinking into the future. What's next? Where can I go from here. I have so many options I'm just not sure what is right for me. One of my worries is that the way I look, with the stretched ears and piercings, the way I dress, the way I act, is that going to get in the way of doing what I want to do? Also with the fact that I can't settle down and want to be consantly moving the prospects of having any stable career kind of go down the drain. I just want to see the world. I want the oppurtunities that my family hasn't been giving. I want to take in as much as I can and try as much as I can. I want to say that I've lived in all these different places and became a part of that community. I know that this program is the first step I need to do that but I don't know where to go from there.