try

I'm bitter. When did that happen? I'm bitter and resentful and angry and full of all these pent up emotions that are just ready to spill out. I'm bitter because it seems like anytime I care about someone or get any sort of attachment to people they let me down. Weither it be intentional or not. I'm good at what I do though. I brush it off, put on this act like it doesn't hurt. Like I don't miss these people, that I'm not breaking down inside. So convincing that people don't even notice. All that can be seen is a slight more measure of bitterness. Truth is, nobody really looks too into bitterness. I can't even write down the words to get it out or to say whats on my mind. I don't even know what to say.

I guess you could call him the worst cut. The deepest of them all. I know that's not what he would have wanted. And wouldn't have been his intention at all but this one hurt the worst of all. Over a year later and something so simple as walking down the street can bring my breathing to unease. I remember the last time I seen him like it was yesterday. Like that movie said 'it's been 6 years but it feels like she just went out to the store to pick up something and will be back any minute'. He was wearing that stupid little hat that I hated. His face never suited hats. Or maybe I'm just not a hat person. But he was wearing it, like he always was. I looked over and saw his silver car at the red light. Slumped back in his seat relaxed as if the car was an extension of him. In a way I guess it was. That car was as major a part of his life as any. He looked over with a look on his of slight recongnition and disbelief. The encounter was brief as the light turned green and he drove off. It's still such a weird concept to wrap my head around. That that was the last time I saw him. That I will ever see him.

I just got the worst case of deja vu. It's supposed to mean that this is exactly where you are supposed to be. I can't believe that this is the case.