And counting.

The List

1. I can't even afford to make ends meet.
   
2. I don't know if I can afford to move.
   
3. How can I afford to leave for 6 months if I don't even have anything saved yet.
4. What if I can't get a second job. I NEED a second job.
5. I don't know if I want to leave anymore.
6. What will I lose if I leave?
7. What will I miss out on?
8. I can't even speak basic french, how is this going to work?
9. What if I can't learn anything? What if I can't pick it up?
10. I don't want to be alone on my birthday.
11. I don't want to be let down on another birthday. I'll be 21 and I'm likely going to be alone.
12. I've been single for 9 months.
    
13. I'll be single for a year and a half when I get back.
14. I'm tired of being alone all the time.
15. I'm tired of being the only person who reaches out for anyone.
16. I'm tired of being the only one trying.
17. I just want my 'friends' to get a hold of me. To want to hang out with me. Is that too much to ask?
18. Maybe they aren't even my friends. I don't even know.
19. I hate how all I do is work. I work and then I'm alone.
20. I'm tired of hearing and seeing people and their relationships when I have nobody.
21. What if when I leave I don't get along with anyone?
22. What if nobody likes me there and I don't enjoy it.
23. It's not like I'd have the money to just up and leave.
24. Oh man, I'm crying at Starbucks.
25. Why can't anyone from Calgary want me around and miss me?
    
26. I don't know what he wants from me.
    
27. I don't want to always wonder what it means. OR what I want OR what it could be.
28. I don't want to think about OR miss OR want. I just want to be happy.
29. I miss my best friend, but I guess we arn't best friends anymore.
30. I wish I wasn't so easy to forget.
    
31. 4 months and it doesn't even matter to you.