Grows a little colder.

A part of me wonders where I would be now. The relationships I could have formed. The drama I could have side-stepped. I know it's too late to admit that I may have made a mistake. But I'm afraid it's coming to the surface and I wake wondering where I would be right now, riddling my mind with the dilemmas I could have avoided. My days drag on with no meaning and no motion. I crave the comfort of routine and separated days. I miss the daily grind, the day in the day out. You wouldn't understand how a prison can become your comfort. How looking back you then realize what you had and who it could have made you. I hear their words in my head telling me not to and wanting to go back and tell them they were right. Where am I now? What am I doing now. The truth is nothing. Sitting and staring and losing all the progress I've made. Slipping back into the person I was growing to hate. Looking in the mirror questioning why I've turned into this. Not recognizing the changes made because they are fading along with everything else. It feels like time has sped up and instead of seconds feeling like hours it's now the reverse. And I'm all alone. Separated. I have no home and the place that feels like home won't be the same anymore. I left because I had outgrown that place, I wanted better for myself and now look at me. I'm following my footprints back to a place where the ghosts of my former self scatter the earth. I had a plan. I had dreams. And now what do I have? Can't anyone tell me what to do?