Rearrange Beds

I care, I care a great deal. I just have a horrible way of showing it. I care about how people are feeling, about what's going on in their lives, about how their day is going and everything else. I care but somehow it ends up falling short. I talk a little too much about myself and forget to ask questions and to put myself out there for people. I worry about me and my life and my problems and I forget that other people may need me too. And if they don't need me then at least they know that I am there, in case they do, in case they change there mind, or just to have that feeling and knowledge that I am there. This whole caring business is a juggling act that I can't seem to master. On one end of the spectrum there I am, selfish, needy and looking out for number one. On the other is the me that cares only about others. That's self-less and giving and would drop anything, do anything, try anything to make peoples lives a little bit better. I need to somehow find this middle ground. I can remember back to even a couple months ago when I was told that I need to worry more about me then everyone elses problems I carried around on my back. Well I lifted that weight and now, well I feel selfish. I was basically told that I'm a selfish bitch and only talk about myself. I think I'm starting to realize that but in a way that's how I deal with things. I'm the kind of person that needs to talk things over, to complain and bitch and cry and just be a general sore on society and then I'm fine. I'm good afterwards but other people aren't always like that and don't understand. It comes off intense and a burden that I wouldn't want to put into other people but I do with no limit. I'm open to anyone that will listen. So now I think I need to pull back and believe in the ways I once had. Believe that everything happens for a reason, that things will work out and if not, then it's not the end but the beginning of something else. I know I need to change and become more like that old person who was positive and believed in something more then living day to day. I can't be this cynical selfish person who's bitterness pours out constantly. I have to make a conscience dissicion to be nicer and clear my head of all these pointless stressors. I need to stop caring so much about my life and how's it's going to end up. But at the same time I need people to notice this change and be appreciative of all the things I do and how much I put myself out there. Or else all this, all these thoughts and motivation and change, it's just going to go down the drain.