Look at my eggs.

I miss fibre class. I miss working with fabric and creating something, well.. it's so hard to describe what we did in fibre class. You took something, an object or a place or even just a feeling and made it in a 2-d fibre project. I know that sounds sort of lame and hard to understand but it's just such a unique way to look at art. Because you aren't trying to show exactly what it is or replicate it but more finding the basics of it. Finding how this said subject made you feel. Something like the temperature of the room or the energy you felt when holding onto it. Something that can't normally be so easily expressed in art but in this case takes the main stage. I miss it but a huge part of me feels like it's so pointless. What I learned at ACAD was that art all in all is pretty pointless. I don't know how to make a life out of it. I wish I felt the same was I felt before I went into that school. I had such a heart towards art. It felt like something do-able. A way of life I could bring myself into. But the art world isn't able artist merit at all. It's a pretentious game of who wears what, who went to where and who's the post popular. It felt more like a game of who's more hip then who then who's better at art. I think what's the most frustrating is that those girls, those guys who were the most popular were more accepted in the art world and I just felt like I had to play catch up no matter where I went. I wasn't part of that scene, I was just the shy girl in the background. The girl that had no friends and that people had no idea who she was, not even teachers. Nobody. I was a nobody and that showed in my art. It felt like why even make an effort when you're not even there? I have so much regret about the whole subject that I don't even really talk about it and can't even let myself try all over again. It's like there's a part of my mind that keeps telling me "Look Lisa, you already failed, why? Why try?" and it holds me back and keeps me from doing it. But I know that I miss it. I miss it and I can't do anything about it because I'm more realistic then to try to pursue it again. And I keep telling myself that over and over that it's not my life anymore but look at me, who am I trying to convince? Myself or them? Because it's still a part of me. So where do I go from here?