Please, please, please be good to me.

I'm not in love with you anymore. I've mourned. I've cried. I've moved away and came back. I've done some growing; some healing. I can look back and smile at the memories we had. And laugh at the hardship. In the end it makes me stronger. I'll still think of you time to time. I'll still miss you from time to time. And you better believe I'll wonder what could have been. But I can say that I'm done and it's over with. Now it's time to do it all again. To collect the pieces. To mend the wounds and to pack up my pride and start along the road again. It won't be easy, some days I know I'm going to dread the fact I sleep in your bed. Some nights I'm just going to lie up and stare at your transformer toy and think about the nights where we laid wrapped up in each other. I can look back now and know that what we had is not what we had in my mind. I was blindsided. I was under a rose covered haze. It was what it was. I was awkward around you. You made me nervous. Even at the end, you made me nervous. I couldn't tell you why. I could make assumptions and lay down theories but it's the past now. Let's just call it nerves and leave it at that. I don't think you were ever mine. Not in a real sense. I was something you dabbled in to keep your mind and body preoccupied. I was something that was already there and already in reach. So you took away more then I had to offer. The truth is, I'm not expecting you to meet up with me. I'm not expecting you to be the mature one and sit down with me. Perchance we would wander onto the topic of "us" and you would have to feel guilt for a change. Or even feel anything for a change. You left me feeling hurt and vulnerable. You left me as a shell of who I once was. I've tried to fill it up with nicotine and alchohol but now it's time to call and end to that and really close it off. To cut the ties and let loose. I need to let go of the hope that maybe, just maybe, you had meant a single word of what you said that night. I need to forget the possibility that I crossed your mind even once during your trip. Realize that things end, people change and time can heal most wounds. So then maybe when I hear people happy in relationships I won't be consumed with anger and jealousy because I'll be happy with where I am once again.