Never Believed

I guess when you think about it, I have lead a really rough and tough sort of life. I didn't have the normal functioning family. I didn't have trust funds and a rational upbringing. I grew up in Red Deer, where it was the norm to have some sorr tof dysfunction around you. Where it was okay that you became acquaintances with the retard kids, or some would say friends with them. You live life rough. But until tonight I didn't really realize how out of the norm is is. When it comes down to it I like to believe I lived a normal life, never really scooping too deep into the back stories of things. I'd go along with the stories as if I had lived them myself but only knowing them from stories past on from another to myself. Truth is, I guess I've always sort of lived the ghetto life. I've never had a sense of stability or knowing what would come at you when. We lived in the moment, day by day and survived the best we could. I never grew up with any sense of responsibility or expectations because everyone had there own things to deal with and work around. Everyone was just doing the best they could in the situation and however they knew how. So your 14 year old daughter gets pregnant, what can you do other then support her? And now she has a 4 year old daughter and wants to party every night? If she comes home and looks after her and is good with her then why should I stop here. And if she decides at 12 then she wants to leave here there and pretend she has a normal life then what else can she do but take me in and raise as her own. I mean, I guess I have respect because of that. I learned how to live the rough way. Being able to keep on even when the situations drop and things might not have a white light in sight. Because in the end you know, you just know that there has been worse times, there will be more worse times but in the end it's worth it. It's worth it because you will have moments where you just forget that you're scumming it. Forget that you don't have much and that people look down on you and just enjoy it. Live in the moments where you are laughing so hard that you forget what you are laughing at and continue anyways. Times where you look around and say yeah, I live here and I love it. Yeah, this is my life and I'm happy. I wake up with a smile on my face and if you're not okay with that then why does it matter? You would do so much just to be able to say the same. And that made me realize that it's okay that you want your space. That you don't want to get attached because as much as you don't realize it we all are. We are all connected in a way that as much as we may fight it we will all need each other again. It's a bond that can't be broken. As much as you want to fight it I be live time brings people together and we will meet again. And share moments again and if not then I'll adapt. I'll find more people like this. I will connect and make bonds with other people and I will be fine. I will be happy and content and you will regret not taking the chances when you wanted to. Because like I said, some people come into your life for a reason. And as lame as it seems, there is no reason why we shouldn't.