High hopes, high losses.

I smoke too much and drink too much. I can't keep anything in, even worse when I drink. My feelings run rampant and are far too much to keep under control. I will always and forever be in love with Grey's Anatomy and relate everyone in my life to a character off the show. I miss my Christina and she doesn't even know what that means. I fall in love or lust with everyone I meet. But not real love, at least I don't really know. More then anything I want to love and be loved in return. I'm not the girl that you can bring home to mom, the one you want to commit to and show off. I'll never be the girl that everyone loves automatically, there will always be a warm up time and people that just don't like what I stand for. Sometimes I don't like what I stand for. I listen to songs that make me upset because they also help me remember. If I could I'd live in my memories, so I could replay the moments of my life over and over. I get easily attached, although nobody would know that. I come off like I don't need anyone, like I have no care in the world but I'm the biggest worry wort I know. I'm a sucker for things that are 100% girlie but once again you would never know. Almost every day I wish I could be one of those put together people, but at the end of the day I'll always just be me. I have a hard time sleeping by myself. I'm just not used to be being alone. I hate not having my bike and feeling like I'm trapped in one place for too long. I have a love hate relationship with change. I hate when it happens without my control, but my life and who I am is always a work in progress. I'm constantly torn between the two different parts of me. As such, I'm way too accurately a Libra that it's bizarre. I wish I stood for something. I hope that when you leave it's a see you later not a goodbye. I can't do goodbyes, I'm such a flake at them. I don't want you to walk away from me.