Middle Man.

I'm so torn. I wish I had better words to express it but that's all I can come up with. I'm torn because my mind can't make a decision on what it wants. I keep flipping back and forth like day to night and in the end I'm not closer to knowing then when I started. It's like, well... it basically comes down to the past or the future. Which road I want to take and where it will end up. The thing is, I know the past. It's familiar and I know that there's a great possibility of it ending up really bumpy and there's an almost guarantee that it's a dead end. But yet a part of me is willing to take it over and over again regardless of the consciences. And I'm hoping that it's because a part of me know that in the end it's the right choice. Because really, there has to be a reason I keep going back even though I know the history and I know the outcomes. I'm told I need to stop living in the past. To move on and move ahead, because living in the past is no life at all. That the past is the past for a reason. But the future, to me, it's just a big unknown. Yet I'm drawn to it because it's mysterious. Because I don't know what will happen. There's the possibility that the past lacks and if anything that's the greatest lure. Not knowing what will happen opens the door to almost anything. So which road to take? What if I make the wrong choice and I end up somewhere stranded in the middle? What am I willing to risk? Is there any gain better off then the loss? And truth is, I don't know. Even after writing this all down I still don't know. Because either way I'm missing out, and it's always me. Stuck in the middle.