Nowhere near your heart.

Dear you,
There are so many things I want to say to you right now. Instead I'm writing this. So I guess you can say we are similar that way. I wish I could understand you. Or you me. It's complex. I know you would laugh after I said that, for oh, the hundredth time. But instead you are pulling away, pushing me away. But like I said, it's complex. You made me push the limits, made me question why I stopped things, why I do the things I do. You made me want to be a better person. To live for more then nights out and bottles of happiness. I don't think you could see through that though. You intimidate me. You asked why I'm reserved, that's why. I'm nervous around you. I can't make the words come out right and more then anything I wanted them to be right so we could be right. I guess. I don't even know right now. I miss floating. But I was never a good swimmer so it's expected that I would just sink. I can't even find the words right now. I want to blush when people bring up your name, not resentment. It was that way. You wouldn't know. I want to feel cute again and twirl and giggle. Lay next to you and giggle. But it's really over with before it even began. I don't know how to like you from a distance, so the only other option is just to let you go. We could have been something but you just never left the option open. It's sad living in the past. Dwelling on the feelings. It's hard when you can't accept that what's over is over. That people come and go from your life. But seasons change. I wish you could change with them. God, I wish you could just take a chance. Maybe just one on me, because I know I could and would try so hard to make you happy. So goodbye friendly giant. Goodbye big boy cuddles.
Love me.