But up here.

Since when did I become that girl? And why did it take so long to figure this all out. I came here to change who I am and really have I just become a worse person. I get called a bitch and maybe I really am. The things I have been doing, toying with peoples feelings is not who I am at all and yet I'm weaving this horrible weave and sucking more and more victums in. This isn't me, this isn't who I am but yet maybe this is who I've becoming. I'm seriously jaded. Jaded from Bryan. Jaded from Danny and Tyler. Jaded from the life I've lead and the shitty pathways that have been layed out in front of me. I used to be just about the one guy, put all my attention and everyone on him. He was the one and only and then, I don't even know what happened but that doesn't happen anymore. Maybe it's because I was done with Bryan. I didn't want anyone else. I couldn't even think about wanting anyone else and then that got torn away from me. Ripped out of my hands and my heart. And every since then I've been struggling, trying to get anything I can. In a way I've lead on almost every guy that I know. I led on Dave and now I'm upset because I think I may have fell a little for him. Well more then a little and then he just moves and doesn't even talk to me. It hurts for that, just imagine what I do to everyone else. I led on Chris. I led on Dylan, who's next. Maybe Chris was right and I was just overreacting but it's not even my intention at all. I don't even know. Maybe I have some applogizing to do. I think I really do. What's next?